Sex please? Abstinence first.

Like many other countries, levels of teen sex is on the rise in Singapore and STIs and teenage pregnancies keep rearing their ugly heads. So what to do? In today’s society, with children across the developed world sexualized at an increasingly young age it’s a tough call and can feel like a losing battle. For many, the answer usually boils down to sex education delivered in school. 

A few days ago, Yahoo News reported that there would be a new focus on sexual abstinence as part of the Sexuality Education Programme taught in Singapore to Secondary 3, first-year junior college and centralised institute students. As yet, no details of the programme have been confirmed so quite how much emphasis on sexual abstinence there will be is yet to be seen. 

However,  as someone who has only lived here for a couple of years it was interesting to read the views of Singaporean blogger Kirsten Han here who outlined from her own experience of sex education in high school how she thought there was already enough emphasis on sexual abstinence. 

According to the Yahoo News article it looks like it will be a form of Abstinence Plus sexuality education. Now if you are wondering what Abstinence Plus is and what this all means, here's a run down courtesy of my friend and human sexuality expert Georgina Vass and I....

So what exactly is abstinence plus? 

Abstinence plus is a program whereby abstinence is mentioned as the best way to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies, and may even be proactively encouraged as the preferred choice but is taught in addition to contraceptives, negotiation and relationship building skills, and all the other usual suspects.


Abstinence plus - so what is all the fuss about?
Some people argue that it is possible to combine the main elements of both comprehensive and abstinence based sex education in one approach to the same end - helping young people avoid STIs and unintended pregnancies.


However other people believe that it is overly optimistic to think it is possible to build a truly unified approach because of the fact that there are very profound values and attitudes at the route of the different approaches, which are likely to still exist once the two approaches are combined. That being said it has been shown in one study to be the most effective in decreasing teenage pregnancy. More on this report here.


Critics of the abstinence plus or abstinence only education point at the fact that the period of waiting until marriage has now dramatically increased (the average age of first marriage in Singapore is now hovering around 27 and 29 for women and men respectively), and that therefore saving sex for after marriage is now a much more difficult, unrealistic and some say even unreasonable task than it was several years ago. Then others are wondering one other thing and this is...where does talk of abstinence today leave LGBTQ youth and teens?

And the upshot...

While abstinence may be the only 100% sure way to not contract STIs or have unplanned pregnancies, care needs to be taken to ensure that the role of the educator is not to place their personal values on students, but to present them with all the necessary facts and information in a relevant-to-all way to ensure youth are well informed and equipped to make the right decisions for themselves.

Georgina Vass has recently moved from New York to Singapore and has a Masters of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University.  She has interned at the Sexuality Information and Education Council to the United States, volunteered at the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, and worked for the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City.

What lengths would you go to for a marriage proposal?

Now call me old fashioned but I think there's nothing like a home made wedding proposal - you whip the ring out in a beautiful setting somewhere or for something a bit more chi chi pop the ring inside the lucky girl's champagne glass (provided she doesn't choke on it!) - whatever it may be.

So when I read about how recently some guys in Sing were dropping anything up to $11,000 to enlist the help of WEDDING PLANNERS yes wedding planners to help them execute their proposal I was a) shocked b) amused c) horrified then d) pitiful pretty much in that order.

Come on guys didn't anyone tell you that you're supposed to use wedding planners for erm...weddings and that you should be able to deal with the proposal stage by yourself?

For that kind of fee apparently you can get a proposal dreamt up and orchestrated for you which could be a Marry Me ice sculpture which perhaps would look something like this...

 Hmmmm classy....not!

Or maybe you could pop the question during a helicopter ride. OK maybe that's a little better but still there's a part of me that can't help thinking it's all a bit bad taste.

Apparently these men are so time starved and pressurised by increasing expectations from girls that they just can't do it alone.

Jonathan Goh, the Country Director for Singapore at the Association of Bridal Consultants reportedly told the Straits Times that  "The men want something different and have no clue over how to make their proposal unique,' and 'Also, women... expect more. The 'let's buy an HDB flat' proposal doesn't cut it anymore.'

WTF?!!!

I love the last part of the equation, and would love to know if anyone has ever used the buying of an HDB flat as the basis for the proposal! How romantic.

As I see it, the fact that men need to call in the "experts" could really be because:

1. They are so afraid of failure or being met with a no that they will dream up something that the bride can't possibly say no to.

2. They are so uninspired by their bride to be that they can't think of an interesting way of proposing themselves.

3. Their partner is so demanding and displeased by the simple things in life that this is the start of things to come - watch of for bridezilla!

4. That they are so boring that they can't think of anything exciting themselves that things are going to be very very dull in the future.

Actually there are lots of other permutations but this is just the start!

If you were going to spend all that money, at least spend it on doing something genuinely creative like this flashmob proposal.



Now that in my book would be money well spent!







 

The East rises as the West falls

Yesterday was a surreal day. As the third day of rioting erupted in my hometown London, my current home Singapore was celebrating it's 46th birthday in full swing. As far apart as the two worlds seem, they suddenly seemed even more further apart.

I spent most of the day looking in disgust and anger at footage like this:



and this:



then later on scenes like this:



and this:



What a contrast.

On top of that, earlier on in the week, the United States lost it's AAA rating, and my sense that the Western world is on it's way down, while Asia is on the up could not have been any stronger.

But back to National Day. Personally as an Ang Moh coming from a country which seems to be falling into a social abyss, I think that whatever level of national pride it seems to be - no matter what is driving it - is demonstrated in Singapore is a blessing.

Having seen the many issues in my home country and travelled around and seen sometimes worse still, we can never take for granted that which we have. 

I come from a country where on it's national day - St George's day - nothing much happens apart from a lot of beer drinking. Is that really how people should show they are proud for the sacrifices that their elders made for them? Sacrifices like using their lives in the World Wars to keep harm at bay?

Something is seriously amiss there.

So after looking at heart-wrenching images of my hometown up in flames, having been torched by youths, ravished by people taking to the streets like animals in what is supposed to be a civil society, thieving, laughing and taking advantage of a situation with no real cause or purpose  apart from self gain and anarchy, the acts spreading like wildfire both locally and nationally,  I personally found it quite soothing to watch Singapore's National Day celebrations.

Look no country is perfect and every nation has it's own set of issues but when you've been around, and you pretty much see your own country toppling down at the hands of it's own people, you start seeing things in a very different way.

Patrolling cheating men in Singapore's red light district

What would you do if you thought your partner was cheating on you? Would you want to catch them in the act, or prefer to remain in denial?

So if you're a woman reading this, what would you do if you thought your partner was visiting prostitutes like these in the red light district?

Well a lady of my age who found out her boyfriend of six years was doing so, caught him red handed leaving a brothel.

I don't think most women would at best do much else apart from get rid of the idiot, and try to move on as best they could. But this lady went on to found Geylang Checker, the "whistle-blowing" website which monitors cheating men in Geylang (which for those of you who aren't living in Singapore is our red light district).

She and her team of volunteers patrol the streets of  Geylang collecting and posting up photographic evidence of the suspects, at the request of women who want to know whether their other halves are doing the dirty.

It's a pretty brave  - and potentially dangerous - effort in my book as the lady behind the mission has received numerous death threats. Perhaps these men rather than getting angry at her (sounds like a guilty conscious right?) should have a stab at being faithful instead?

Last month the founder issued a "50 comment challenge" where she stated she would shut the website down if it did not get 50 negative comments about Singaporean men's infidelity. It's very interesting reading the 'for' and 'against' comments on the site.

One person said "Please mind your own business, while your effort is to uncover "cheating" men; the process will cause the family to break down leaving the innocent kids and also the wife suffering. You think the guy that get caught in the pic will simply turn over a new life? What about those who visits KTV, and carry out such activities (ex-geylang)? You are simply diverting men to look else-where and go underground - ie there are other places to seek sex. And worse, these are not controlled ...."

That's a fair point on the fact that someone who wishes to cheat will simply find somewhere else to do it. But perhaps it's better to uncover a cheating man sooner rather than later, to start anew without them and rebuild a life, rather than at 60 when the kids are all grown up and it's much harder to do so. It's a tough call. I know many people who grew up with cheating fathers and it did not make for a happy environment to grow up in.


But on the flip side you have comments like "if the guy wants to fool around, then they must face the risk of getting caught. This website could also help prevent the transmission of undesirable diseases back to their faithful partner."

For sure - I know from my work as a volunteer with Action for AIDS Singapore there are a fair few cases of married men using prostitutes and picking up STDs or worse still HIV/AIDS and then passing them on to their wives who unbeknown to them about their husband's activities and due to their trust in them also have sex with them without a condom.

So anyway it turns out they won the "50 comments" challenge with 67 posts. Because of the sheer bravery of the lady and her team of volunteers behind this, I'm glad they did for their efforts whether people think what they're doing it right or wrong. With the increasing number of members of their forum - now standing at 97 - it looks like for those at least who need to seek advice and support will have a growing support network to turn to.

There's something bad in the water - dead bodies

For the pretty safe city that Singapore is,  and it’s REALLY safe I feel compared to London, I have to say I find it’s pretty freaky that bodies have been appearing in actually not just Singapore’s waters - but also a smattering of other places across the island too over the last few months.

So what has been happening recently? 

This is what:

January 15: The body of a man is found in the Kallang River. His fist is clenched. WTF?

February 15: A body of a 50 year old woman was found lying in a pool of blood in an apartment. The woman was at her former flat in Yun Ping Rd (nobody knows why) and found with four stab wounds. A man has been arrested in connection with the murder.

April 16: A body of a 28 year old man was found floating in the sea off Sentosa island, stuffed inside a trolley.  A 44 year old businessman was later charged with the victim’s murder. The two men were understood to have been in a close relationship though it transpired at the victim’s wake that he had never mentioned his murderer before.

May 16: The body of a 30 year old Indonesian maid was found in the water tank of an apartment block in Woodlands. Apparently the residents became suspicious when the water which came out of their taps  “was slightly yellowish and unnaturally foamy”. Although residents were reported to hear screams and a loud argument in the morning, nobody called the police. Residents were worried about water contamination and offered a $10 compensation.

June 4: A 64 year old man was murdered in Ang Mo Kio park by an 18 year old youth. The weapon of choice was an umbrella. It is not as yet known why.

June 20: Half a corpse was found in Bedok reservoir. The decomposed lower body found is believed to be a 23 China national working in Singapore.

June 22: The second body in a week to be found floating in Singapore’s waterways - the body of an 83 year old man in Punggol river. Investigations are ongoing.

July 1: The body of a 49 Chinese woman was found floating under the Helix Bridge. Investigations are ongoing.

July 2: A set of skeletal remains were found in Tanah Merah forest by two land survey staff. Investigations are ongoing.

July 2: A 21 year old Singaporean was found dead in her room in the budget Min Wah Hotel in Geylang.

July 3: The second time in three days a body was found in Singapore’s waters – a man believed to be in his 30s found in the water off Harbourfront Walk. Investigations are ongoing.

July 5: The decomposed body of a 36 year old female property agent was found in Clementi Woods. Her housemate has been charged with the murder.

July 12: A body was found at Serangoon Reservoir. Investigations are ongoing.

July 24: A body, believed to be that of an elderly Chinese man was found at Lower Seletar Reservoir. Investigations are ongoing.

I know I’m not the only one to think that things could be amiss here. Here’s hoping we’ve had our fill for the year.

The Curse of 27: A Tribute to Amy Winehouse and others

Today I woke up to the sad but I feel somewhat inevitable news of Amy Winehouse passing away at 27, three years younger than me. Such a waste but in my eyes she was gone to another world a while ago once her drug and addiction sucked the life out of her.

27 is a funny age for some. And throughout your early to mid twenties right until I felt about 28 many people I knew, including myself, were still discovering who they were - some struggling to do so more than others. For me it really wasn't until I hit the 28 mark that I began to feel a lot more in control of my destiny, as far as one can be.

But in Amy's case, I doubt that things would have magically righted themselves for her when she hit 28. It's pretty hard to right anything I guess when you are that far in the clutches of an addiction and battling your demons, though of course some do manage.

But it did make me wonder what other talents stopped their lives short at 27 and so this blog post is a tribute to Amy but also a nod to other talents whose lives ended at the same age. And of course there are other common themes other than age.

This shot of Amy really speaks to me as the first shows her before innocence gave way to temptation - but you can still see a troubled and vulnerable soul lurking in there.

And before the drugs and alcohol took her toll, this was Amy as I would like to remember her - looking fabulous...

 

and at the height of her musical career in 2007. It's sad to watch this now as life imitates art, singing Love is a Losing Game at the Mercury Music Awards.

Jimi Hendrix who needs no introduction, died at age 27 in circumstances which have never been fully clear but it was determined that he asphyxiated in his own vomit which was largely comprised of red wine. 

Janis Joplin, the American musical genius died at age 27 from a heroin overdose in a motel room.

Jim Morrison, the lead singer of The Doors, though reported to have died from heart failure at age 27, it was suspected that heroin had a large part to play in this.

Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of Nirvana shot himself at age 27 after years of struggling with drug addiction.

May your souls all rest in place, but your talents never be forgotten.

One maid too far? A Singapore solider enlists the help of his maid to carry his bag...

I couldn't resist doing a quick post on this. In Singapore it's pretty run of the mill to see maids carrying babies, walking dogs and the like. But carrying a national serviceman's field pack? This has got to be pushing the boundaries!

This photo was sent in to citizen journalism website STOMP and has been making waves across the net since.

It's just as well Singapore is not a country under immediate threat as if it were I'm sure soldiers from other nations would probably be licking their lips ready to feast by now!

While most net citizens are shocked and disgraced at this new found use for hired help, bizarrely I found one comment on a forum that said that the backlash was "Just sour grapes from those who do not have a maid to help carry the bag home during their time."

Now that's an interesting theory! 

Well if all those who could afford a maid to do this  had that attitude then maybe the photo would have looked something more like this.

But to be fair, the soldier did not violate any rules (but then who would think you needed to write a rule to deal with maids carrying your bags?!). In any case, the Singapore Armed Forces are reportedly investigating the circumstances.

What really caused the nuclear chaos that followed the Japan earthquake and tsunami?

I’m taking a break from updating about my trip to Vietnam as I, like the rest of the world, have been watching the horrific events in Japan unfold and feel that things can’t just go on as normal as Japan lurches from destruction to disaster and back again and as their people and country suffer.

Photo: Associated Press

Photo:  Associated Press

The question that  has been rattling around my head quite a bit  after seeing the devastating effects of the tsunami caused by the earthquake and then learning of the subsequent instability at some of Japan’s nuclear plants was why on earth aren’t things that have the potential to be so unstable under such conditions made to be earthquake proof?

Now I’m no nuclear physicist but actually, it’s not so much the earthquake that caused the instability and explosions we have all been hearing about like the one at the Fukashima Plant – but failure to the power to the grid and therefore the inability to pump in coolant.

Photo: Reuters

And yes there were backup diesel generators which were supposed to deal with that eventuality, but the issue was, according to Brave New Climate, that these were disabled by the Tsunami that swamped them.

But even after that, there was apparently eight hours worth of battery back up. However  by the time the new generators were transported in, more water was boiling off and venting than what was being added to the reactor. Things were getting extremely hot – the fuel rod cladding exceeded 1200 c which ultimately led to the first exposure which led to subsequent explosions. You can read more about what happened after that here.

So yes they were earthquake resistant plants, but the reactors are designed for a maximum 8.2 earthquake – not an 8.9 earthquake which is five times stronger. And when you throw a tsunami into a mix it’s a whole other ball game.

In the US, apparently many plants have been retrofitted to use passive cooling systems such as gravity fed water tanks, in case pumps and electricity fail and you just can’t help wonder why this wasn’t the case in Japan.

Asia is watching closing, not only with concern for Japan, but with concern of how they will ensure that the dozens of new reactors allegedly being planned will resist such disasters in a region at high risk of natural disasters.

According to the Wall Street Journal, China, Vietnam, Thailand and other Asian nations have more than 100 nuclear plants on the cards as part of their strategy to make the region less reliant on more traditional sources of energy and Singapore is examining whether nuclear energy is a viable option. Not surprisingly this has met with great push back by groups like Greenpeace.

Let’s hope some lessons are learned if and when these go ahead for all our sakes.

Size Zero - you ain't no hero (Kenneth Tong)

I don’t know how many of you have been following the Kenneth Tong Size Zero saga over the last couple of weeks. Some of you are probably wondering who on earth Kenneth Tong is.

Well, Kenneth Tong here...

is a pathetic excuse for a person who has been advocating Size Zero, but in particular “managed anorexia”, mainly through his Twitter account with ignorant remarks such as women should “Get thin or die trying” and it is better for a girl to “risk (her) life dieting than be a sub-par by being a plus size”. 

This has sparked a body-image frenzy with various people including major stars like Rihanna blasting him for his claims.

So how or why would someone do this?

This is some 27 year-old idiot born in Toronto to an extremely wealth family and raised in Hong Kong, and who seems to have a very unreal view of the world, with all the traits of a sociopath. He made his pathetic little mark on the public stage on Big Brother 10 so we can see what sort of calibre of person we're dealing with here.

This whole saga begun because this man with a brain the size of a pea feels that fat women are “disgusting” and any woman over size zero is “worthless”. He believes all women should become “managed anorexics” and that anorexia is “just a word”.

So he decided to market a Size Zero pill based on his ridiculous beliefs. Of course he has never really consulted any medical or scientific studies, years of which clearly point in the direction that there is no such thing as “managed anorexia”, that Size Zero can in no way, shape or form be a good thing and that a pill will probably help women fulfil Tong’s mantra of “Get thin or die trying”.

I wonder whether Tong has recently looked at anyone with anorexia? Does he really think that this is the holy grail for women?

But the horrors do not end there. If you want to hear for yourself just how unbelievably truly stupid this person is with his throw-away and unsubstantiated statements , you should listen to an excerpt of his interview with award-winning British journalist Johann Hari here. It is absolutely mind boggling.

In Singapore, as in many countries worldwide, there has been a rise of anorexia cases as more and more teenage girls are brainwashed into thinking it’s either cool or that they have such serious body issues that they can't live with themelves unless they are stick thin.

Well anyone that has ever spent some time with someone that has anorexia will tell you it’s definitely not cool and life ain’t that great when you’re struggling with it.

I sincerely hope that Tong crawls under a stone where he belongs and stays there for life.