Excuse me? How to train a nation to be courteous.

Of all places in the world, the only country that could conceive a National Courtesy Campaign could be Singapore.

The idea might seem crazy to folk in UK where manners are - or at least used to be - taught to us at an early age.

Please, thank you, could you, excuse me, are words and phrases cultivated into our daily language use in our formative years.

We wait until someone has finished speaking before we speak (unless you come from my family where we all talk over each other!), hold the door open for people and say thank you when they do so for you, and if you bump into someone you apologise.

But here things are different. When I first got to Singapore, like the stupid Ang Mo* I was - and probably still am - I was holding doors open for people and swore under my breath at them when there was no acknowledgement. I was miffed when people barged into me with no apology. You get the picture.

So I guess these are the reasons why the National Courtesy Campaign was launched back in 1979 by the then Prime Minister to create “a pleasant social environment with Singaporeans considerate to each other and thoughtful of each other's needs”. And within 10 years. Wow now that’s commitment!

The campaign has now morphed into the Singapore Kindness Movement and the latest manifestation of this campaign tickles me every time I get on the MRT**. 

In London, on the Underground, the messages to "move up "or "let passengers get off first before boarding" is usually mumbled incoherently by some crazy person who sounds like they have come from Mars. In Singapore, they have recruited the Dim Sum Dollies to “Love your Ride”.

So not only do you get their smiley faces looking like this telling you what you need to do..

They also  put together this ditty for the campaign….

For those not in Singapore, this is the little sing song you actually hear on the MRT…

Now I know most people in Singapore probably want to get the Dim Sum Dollies and push them off a cliff in a trolley, but I’ve got to give Singapore top marks for originality on this one. Maybe people would prefer an incoherent mumbling person from Mars. I’m sure one could be seconded from London.

Anyway, will the Dim Sum Dollies make us more courteous in Singapore? Now that’s another story!

*The term affectionately bestowed upon us expats here in Singapore

** Singapore’s version of the underground

Taxi! A tribute to Taxi Drivers in Singapore

To many living in Singapore, a taxi driver is part of your everyday life and boy can it be a colourful experience.

Actually they do look colourful but that's not that I'm talking about!

When you get into a taxi in Singapore, I promise you this – you never, EVER know what you are going to get, what sort of crazy character, ridiculous experience or insane conversation you will have.  It can either make your journey fly by or as I once discovered seem very very slow.

In many cities in the world, if you try to tell a taxi driver which way to go, you're in trouble. Not in Singapore. These guys LOVE you to tell them which way to go. They’ll ask you – do you want to go the PIE, ECP, ABC or XYZ– what?!

I – like probably many others  have  stepped out  of a taxi either horrified, chuckling to myself or just damn relieved to be out of there and still alive. Of course the best days are when you come across a taxi driver like this guy...

But there’s one taxi driver who has blown every other out of the water.

His name is Tony and so far he has topped my list of totally bizarre taxi experiences.

Here’s what happened. I needed a taxi. I was running late from a meeting to meet Mr C for lunch who had already been waiting for me there half an hour. I was so relieved when a free taxi finally appeared. Little did I know….

The conversation went something like this…

“Where you from?”

“UK, London”

“Ahhh…you have kids?

“No – no not yet.”

“Why not – you no have sex?”

“Yep thanks all fine in that department”

“ Ahhh when you said you have no sex, I thought maybe there were problems. In the UK, they have condom for women in extra small for young girls of 14, medium then extra large for old women”

“Oh really?”

“Ya and also you know women in Singapore they go for surgery to get their VAH-GINAS stitched up so they like virgin. So it feel better..”

“Really?! And how do you know this?”

“Ya rich men they love to go to Indonesia and they take a really young girl for their own for a year, because it give them better health and make them live longer.”

Hmmm that didn't answer my question. Anyway at this point we are travelling REALLY slow and we’re sort of drifting from lane to lane with his mind clearly on something else. What started off as quite entertaining is making me even more late, AND getting frustrating, weird and a tad uncomfortable.

“Ya I have a friend, also taxi driver and he win lottery. He spend all his money to go Australia and have sex with women there. He like Australian women  – they have big boobs and lots of hair down there! Ya Australian women very interesting.”

And so it went on…blah blah…sex this sex that until finally I got to my destination.

“Ok you nice girl, my name Tony, you write my number. YOU WRITE MY NUMBER! You call me when you need taxi. Ya?”

Yeah that’s right Tony, don’t call me, I’ll call you.