Creepy men on Facebook

Facebook. I use it pretty much every day.  But since I’ve moved to Singapore, it’s taken on a new meaning.

What am I talking about?

About once a week now, I get some sort of weird message from some guy who appears to be trying to chat me up on Facebook.

Yes these days I never quite know what is going to be in my once oh so familiar inbox....

I have no clue who these people are. It started since I moved to Singapore. Their chat up lines are seriously whack and probably being sent to lots more chicks like me in a hopeful scatter gun approach. Or maybe they are scams though what they are trying to scam I have no idea.

Obviously sometimes you get the plain old “Hi, how are you?” – yup 0/10 for effort there.

But every now and then you get a real beauty and I’d like to share a couple of these gems that I’ve received in the last couple of months here:

"Am Fred Scott from California USA.I am single. A friend introduced me to Facebook to meet people and for a new relationship, when i was going through pics and profiles, yours captured my mind,you look wonderful,. please i will love to know you more and tell you more about myself. i think we can communicate easily using instant yahoo messenger, my id is frscott101@yahoo.com, i will love to have yours too. have a good day, am expecting a reply from you."

You captured my mind? PUKE! 

"Dear Talya!!!
Came across u r alluring n impressive profile on FB..
Thought abt conveying and wld be a pleasure to connect to a charming persona like u!!
Abt me, I am mgmt grad & an entrepreneur running my Infrastructure consultancy orgn.
Wld love to get in touch n know u!!
Look fwd to hear from u
Love, Vikram !!!
P.S: With all respect very gorgeous n amiable pic"

Ah bless. He's like an excited puppy.

"Love is immeasurable and something you cannot do without.Earth is Created through love and i know sure that One love keeps people together.

I have just check your profile and i am really interested in you and i will like to know more of you.
Please feel free to mail me back.
Samson."

Wow - creepy!

"It's a lovely profile and pix you've got...I'm new to this site and here to find TRUE LOVE...I would like to know more about you if you don't mind?...You might be the special one i've been longing to meet all my life...

My name is Michael Shropshire. am 55 yrs old, I am Originally from Italy,I've an Italian Accent,I am the only child of my parent,I've no Siblings.I have a daughter,named Jen 17years old..i was Once married to a Loving and caring woman until the untimely death took her away from me,so i am looking for a serious and long term Relationship that will lead to marriage.I studied chemical Engineering and into Oil and Gas,working on contract basis under Oil and Natural Gas Corporation.

Will love to read from you ASAP...Take care,

Michael"

True love?!! Italian accent?! How could I refuse? Actually this one looked like quite a nice catch for my mum and I was tempted to reply on that basis.

Anyway, I’m sure these people are hugely fake but fake or real how on earth can these people think anyone is going to be hooked in by these emails?

Anyhow, it always gives me a good chuckle every time I receive one so I hope it gave you a good one too.

Taxi! A tribute to Taxi Drivers in Singapore

To many living in Singapore, a taxi driver is part of your everyday life and boy can it be a colourful experience.

Actually they do look colourful but that's not that I'm talking about!

When you get into a taxi in Singapore, I promise you this – you never, EVER know what you are going to get, what sort of crazy character, ridiculous experience or insane conversation you will have.  It can either make your journey fly by or as I once discovered seem very very slow.

In many cities in the world, if you try to tell a taxi driver which way to go, you're in trouble. Not in Singapore. These guys LOVE you to tell them which way to go. They’ll ask you – do you want to go the PIE, ECP, ABC or XYZ– what?!

I – like probably many others  have  stepped out  of a taxi either horrified, chuckling to myself or just damn relieved to be out of there and still alive. Of course the best days are when you come across a taxi driver like this guy...

But there’s one taxi driver who has blown every other out of the water.

His name is Tony and so far he has topped my list of totally bizarre taxi experiences.

Here’s what happened. I needed a taxi. I was running late from a meeting to meet Mr C for lunch who had already been waiting for me there half an hour. I was so relieved when a free taxi finally appeared. Little did I know….

The conversation went something like this…

“Where you from?”

“UK, London”

“Ahhh…you have kids?

“No – no not yet.”

“Why not – you no have sex?”

“Yep thanks all fine in that department”

“ Ahhh when you said you have no sex, I thought maybe there were problems. In the UK, they have condom for women in extra small for young girls of 14, medium then extra large for old women”

“Oh really?”

“Ya and also you know women in Singapore they go for surgery to get their VAH-GINAS stitched up so they like virgin. So it feel better..”

“Really?! And how do you know this?”

“Ya rich men they love to go to Indonesia and they take a really young girl for their own for a year, because it give them better health and make them live longer.”

Hmmm that didn't answer my question. Anyway at this point we are travelling REALLY slow and we’re sort of drifting from lane to lane with his mind clearly on something else. What started off as quite entertaining is making me even more late, AND getting frustrating, weird and a tad uncomfortable.

“Ya I have a friend, also taxi driver and he win lottery. He spend all his money to go Australia and have sex with women there. He like Australian women  – they have big boobs and lots of hair down there! Ya Australian women very interesting.”

And so it went on…blah blah…sex this sex that until finally I got to my destination.

“Ok you nice girl, my name Tony, you write my number. YOU WRITE MY NUMBER! You call me when you need taxi. Ya?”

Yeah that’s right Tony, don’t call me, I’ll call you.