Taxi! A tribute to Taxi Drivers in Singapore

To many living in Singapore, a taxi driver is part of your everyday life and boy can it be a colourful experience.

Actually they do look colourful but that's not that I'm talking about!

When you get into a taxi in Singapore, I promise you this – you never, EVER know what you are going to get, what sort of crazy character, ridiculous experience or insane conversation you will have.  It can either make your journey fly by or as I once discovered seem very very slow.

In many cities in the world, if you try to tell a taxi driver which way to go, you're in trouble. Not in Singapore. These guys LOVE you to tell them which way to go. They’ll ask you – do you want to go the PIE, ECP, ABC or XYZ– what?!

I – like probably many others  have  stepped out  of a taxi either horrified, chuckling to myself or just damn relieved to be out of there and still alive. Of course the best days are when you come across a taxi driver like this guy...

But there’s one taxi driver who has blown every other out of the water.

His name is Tony and so far he has topped my list of totally bizarre taxi experiences.

Here’s what happened. I needed a taxi. I was running late from a meeting to meet Mr C for lunch who had already been waiting for me there half an hour. I was so relieved when a free taxi finally appeared. Little did I know….

The conversation went something like this…

“Where you from?”

“UK, London”

“Ahhh…you have kids?

“No – no not yet.”

“Why not – you no have sex?”

“Yep thanks all fine in that department”

“ Ahhh when you said you have no sex, I thought maybe there were problems. In the UK, they have condom for women in extra small for young girls of 14, medium then extra large for old women”

“Oh really?”

“Ya and also you know women in Singapore they go for surgery to get their VAH-GINAS stitched up so they like virgin. So it feel better..”

“Really?! And how do you know this?”

“Ya rich men they love to go to Indonesia and they take a really young girl for their own for a year, because it give them better health and make them live longer.”

Hmmm that didn't answer my question. Anyway at this point we are travelling REALLY slow and we’re sort of drifting from lane to lane with his mind clearly on something else. What started off as quite entertaining is making me even more late, AND getting frustrating, weird and a tad uncomfortable.

“Ya I have a friend, also taxi driver and he win lottery. He spend all his money to go Australia and have sex with women there. He like Australian women  – they have big boobs and lots of hair down there! Ya Australian women very interesting.”

And so it went on…blah blah…sex this sex that until finally I got to my destination.

“Ok you nice girl, my name Tony, you write my number. YOU WRITE MY NUMBER! You call me when you need taxi. Ya?”

Yeah that’s right Tony, don’t call me, I’ll call you.